Shifting Gaslighting Phrases to Empathy

In our daily interactions, the words we choose can have a profound impact on our relationships. One phrase can uplift and empower, while another can inadvertently (or intentionally) cause harm. At Lopostam, we believe in the power of mindful communication as a key to personal growth and fostering healthier relationships. Today, we’re diving into the difference between gaslighting and respectful communication.

Understanding Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where someone makes another person question their reality, feelings, or perceptions. It's a form of emotional abuse that can cause long-term psychological effects. Gaslighting phrases often deflect responsibility, shift blame, or invalidate the other person's experiences.

 

Examples of Gaslighting vs. Respectful Communication

Let's look at some common phrases that are often used in conversations and see how a slight shift in wording can make a world of difference:

1. Gaslighting: "I guess I’m just a really bad partner."

   • Respectful: "What I did was wrong and I’m sorry."

   The gaslighting phrase shifts the focus to self-pity, making the other person feel guilty or like they are overreacting. In contrast, the respectful phrase takes responsibility for the action and includes a sincere apology.

2. Gaslighting: "You’re overreacting."

   • Respectful: "I now see that this is a very important issue for you."

   Dismissing someone's feelings as "overreacting" invalidates their emotions. The respectful response acknowledges their feelings and shows empathy, creating an opportunity for constructive dialogue.

3. Gaslighting: "You can’t take a joke."

   • Respectful: "I meant it as a joke, but it came across really wrong."

   This gaslighting phrase shifts the blame to the other person for not "understanding" the joke. The respectful version recognizes the impact of the words and takes accountability for any misunderstanding.

4. Gaslighting: "That's not what happened."

   • Respectful: "That’s not how I thought it happened."

   While the gaslighting phrase outright denies the other person's reality, the respectful phrase allows for a difference in perception without dismissing the other's experience.

5. Gaslighting: "I'm sorry you feel that way."

   • Respectful: "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

   The former is a classic non-apology that does not take responsibility. The latter acknowledges the speaker's role in causing the other person's feelings and expresses genuine remorse.

 

 

The Power of Words

The power of a few well-chosen words and a shift in tone can completely transform a phrase. It’s not about avoiding difficult conversations, but rather about approaching them with empathy, clarity, and respect. Mindful communication allows both parties to feel heard, understood, and valued.

Why This Matters

Communication is at the heart of all relationships—whether personal or professional. By choosing our words carefully, we can avoid misunderstandings, build trust, and foster a positive environment where everyone feels safe to express themselves. This aligns perfectly with the Lopostam movement's mission of self-growth and creating meaningful, positive change.

Practice Mindful Communication

Take a moment to reflect on your daily conversations. Are there instances where your words might have been unintentionally dismissive or invalidating? How can you reframe them to be more respectful and empathetic? Let’s start making a conscious effort to transform our language to build better connections.